rzC@P  0@PJ츾 ͖͚"UͲͲ ͖͸͖͸ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸ͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ| ͖͸ͲͲx ͖͸Ͳt ͖͸Ͳp ͖͸Ͳl ͖͸Ͳh ͖͸ͲͲd ͖͸Ͳ` ͖͸ͲͲ\ ͖͸ͲX ͖͸ͲT ͖͸ͲͲP ͖͸ͲL ͖͸ͲͲH ͖͸ͲD ͖͸Ͳ@ ͖͸Ͳ< ͖͸Ͳ8 ͖͸Ͳ4 ͖͸Ͳ0 ͖͸ͲͲ, ͖͸Ͳ( ͖͸ͲͲ$ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸͖͸ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸ͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ|͖͸Ͳx͖͸ͲͲͲͲt͖͸Ͳp͖͸ͲͲl͖͸ͲͲh͖͸Ͳd͖͸Ͳ`͖͸ͲͲ\͖͸ͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸ͲP͖͸ͲͲL͖͸ͲH͖͸ͲD͖͸Ͳ[ͲͲͲ@͖͸Ͳ<͖͸ͲͲl͖͸ͲͲ8͖͸Ͳ4͖͸Ͳ0͖͸Ͳ,͖͸Ͳ(͖͸ͲͲ$͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ+ͲͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ556́ͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳl͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ|͖͸ͲͲx͖͸Ͳt͖͸Ͳp͖͸Ͳ ͲͲͲl͖͸Ͳh͖͸ͲͲd͖͸Ͳ`͖͸Ͳ\͖͸ͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸ͲͲP͖͸ͲL͖͸ͲH͖͸ͲD͖͸Ͳ@͖͸Ͳ<͖͸Ͳ8͖͸Ͳu ͲͲͲ4͖͸Ͳ0͖͸ͲͲ,͖͸Ͳ(͖͸ͲͲ$͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ569Ŕ58Ŕ͓td ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸͖͸͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖]rUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ|͖͸Ͳx͖͸Ͳt͖͸ͲͲp͖͸Ͳl͖͸ͲͲh͖͸Ͳd͖͸Ͳ`͖͸Ͳ\͖͸ͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸Ͳ]dUͲͲͲP͖͸ͲL͖͸ͲͲH͖͸ͲD͖͸Ͳ@͖͸Ͳ<͖͸Ͳ8͖͸͖͸4͖͸Ͳ]^UͲͲͲ0͖͸Ͳ,͖͸ͲͲ(͖͸Ͳ$͖͸ͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]AUͲͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ];UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ^]FUͲͲͲ͖͸͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]UUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ]JUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ]UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]yUͲͲͲ|͖͸Ͳx͖͸Ͳt͖͸ͲͲp͖͸Ͳl͖͸Ͳh͖͸ͲͲd͖͸Ͳ`͖͸Ͳ\͖͸ͲͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸Ͳ]SUͲͲͲP͖͸ͲL͖͸ͲH͖͸ͲͲD͖͸Ͳ@͖͸ͲͲ<͖͸Ͳ8͖͸Ͳ]=UͲͲͲ4͖͸ͲͲ0͖͸ͲͲ,͖͸Ͳ(͖͸Ͳ^]U>͖\͚$͖\͖͔t   ͖\͖͔t x͖\͖͔t E \͖\͖͔t @͖\͖͔t $͖\͖͔t  -11\6^]U>͖\͚$͖\͖͔t R ͖\͖͔t xx͖\͖͔t  \͖\͖͔t I@͖\͖͔t o$͖\͖͔t  11\6^]U>͖\͚$͖\͖͔t  ͖\͖͔t x͖\͖͔t  \͖\͖͔t |@͖\͖͔t $͖\͖͔t n11\6^]U>͖\͚$͖\͖͔t  ͖\͖͔t556́x͖\͖͔t  \͖\͖͔t @͖\͖͔t $͖\͖͔t 811\6^]U>͖\͚$͖\͖͔t y ͖\͖͔t &x͖\͖͔t  \͖\͖͔t @͖\͖͔t $͖\͖͔t t11\6^]U>͖\͚$͖\͖͔t  ͖\͖͔t x͖\͖͔t K \͖\͖͔t a@͖\͖͔t q$͖\͖͔t [11\6^]U>͖\͚$͖\͖͔t K ͖\͖͔t x͖\͖͔t  \͖\͖͔t @͖\͖͔t $͖\͖͔t @11\6^]^UͲͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]XUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ^]UͲͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸͖͸͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]dUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]JUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ|͖͸ͲͲx͖͸Ͳt͖͸Ͳp͖͸ͲͲl͖͸Ͳ]HUͲͲͲh͖͸Ͳd͖͸Ͳ`͖͸Ͳ\͖͸ͲͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸Ͳ];UͲͲͲP͖͸ͲL͖͸ͲH͖͸ͲͲD͖͸Ͳ^]6UͲͲͲ@͖͸Ͳ<͖͸ͲͲ8͖͸Ͳ4͖͸Ͳ]VUͲͲͲ͖͸0͖͸Ͳ,͖͸Ͳ(͖͸ͲͲ$͖͸Ͳ ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ]:UͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ0]UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲQͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲͲL@욾:͚:͖\͚$͖\͖͔tf) ͖\͖͔t$͖͚͖}11\6^]AUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲQ0]2U t͸Ͳ"ͲͲͲ]DUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]SUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]?UͲͲͲ|͖͸ͲͲx͖͸Ͳt͖͸Ͳp͖͸Ͳl͖͸Ͳ]OUͲͲͲh͖͸ͲͲd͖͸Ͳ`͖͸Ͳ\͖͸ͲͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸Ͳ]UͲͲͲP͖͸ͲL͖͸ͲH͖͸ͲͲD͖͸Ͳ@͖͸Ͳ<͖͸Ͳ8͖͸ͲͲ4͖͸Ͳ0͖͸ͲͲ,͖͸Ͳ(͖͸ͲͲ$͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸͖͸ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ]LUͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ]UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ^]?UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ|͖͸ͲͲx͖͸Ͳt͖͸Ͳp͖͸Ͳl͖͸Ͳh͖͸Ͳd͖͸ͲͲ`͖͸Ͳ\͖͸ͲͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸Ͳ]\UͲͲͲP͖͸ͲL͖͸ͲH͖͸ͲD͖͸ͲͲ@͖͸Ͳ<͖͸ͲͲ8͖͸Ͳ4͖͸Ͳ]FUͲͲͲ0͖͸Ͳ,͖͸Ͳ(͖͸ͲͲ$͖͸ͲͲ ͖͸Ͳ^]-UͲͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]0UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]4UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]JUͲͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]^UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ]8UͲͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ]QUͲͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸Ͳ͖͸Ͳ^]^UͲͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲ͖͸ͲͲͲL|@욾>͚]UJ; 52́552<:ͥ:;,=,0́;09Ŕ; 8Ŕ͓w<ͲͲͲ͖͸x͖͸;0͵t͖͸52͵Ͳ́p͖͸Ͳv; 8Ŕ͓v; 8Ŕ͓r<ͲͲͲ͖͸x͖͸;0͵t͖͸52͵Ͳ́l͖͸Ͳ; 8Ŕ͓v; 8Ŕ͓rEͲͲͲ͖͸x͖͸;0͵t͖͸52͵Ͳ́h͖͸Ͳd͖͸Ͳ; 8Ŕ͓v; 8Ŕ͓r<ͲͲͲ͖͸x͖͸;0͵t͖͸52͵Ͳ́`͖͸Ͳ>; 8Ŕ͓r+ͲͲͲ\͖͸͖͸ͲX͖͸ͲT͖͸Ͳ]0traordinaire"   0 :007:M$<#D BNE ,4 < H SB`%ED PHe>#?MC_"I9&2_J7H-u 00( E26w(EEC_@61 :I ;   # % 2 A< !} D B $ 1 D>  D  C 8 BS > B / DD C D ;+TFFE EPEC8FRG+&C;C~)C-;>FyIA$I7m&?A 4J6~3 D MEbC4CBaB0CGXEDD<95%>$/b.?B@AV;CE@ZB E<-Ei;DF-:s.CD=-B6C&'i?:' ?@      =!DK!A!A!%"'6")]"B""A"$#$C#Bg#9#E#B'$i$2$A$A$J4% ~%E%,%F%3?&Lr&E&2'<5'Dq''G'H (&U({(G(E(E)[)Fx)!) )5)@*!^*<*B***C'+6j+ ++D+4,>Q,(,#,B,*-DF--7-G-1.AM.......1.=.//;9/t/)/A/7/C.0@q0%0H0:1EX191%1E1D@2&2D2A2%/3FT3C3H3?%4+d44E44>5D59a55F55C63\6068686/7,N7Bz77C7@8-O80|858&8#9*9F9 b99?9<9! :+-:X:Et:::9:,;FC;;;I;F=<=>">B:>|>0>>B>??Z??@'@B8@O7O7*PaPAP&P@P=&Q5cQGQ1Q'R7R#SRvR"RR/RBR@;S3{S,S3S= TJT cT1["o[=[[B[A\X\;w\\\D\G ]ES]1]F]A^HP^#^A^E^DA_D_'_@_40`Ed``,`?`=+aha8a=a*a%bA:b7{b%b1b<c)Dc8mcAc>c>$d'bdddd,\ dof the really hosed up selections you made in the game.Maybe you should retire, become a recluse, and ponder someYour score is to shameful to print, Hang in there, you are almost an entrepreneur extraordinairebook also published by Two Men Inc.You're getting there, maybe you should consider the inexpensive hintI'm afraid that still makes you a rookie in the world of business.With a score that low, you belong on the working end of a shit scoop! out of a possible , you've scored Enter your choice (1-6)6 - Call the Boss5 - Bullshit4 - Buzz3 - Boot2 - Referral1 - Replacebody parts!!!The interior of the office has been garishly redecorated with yourrunning out the door with a chainsaw.By the time he gets to your office, he notices a very hyper young manTo bad for you, the guard is playing with himself in the men's room!That's a good idea!!!...Rotten little cunt!!!! he mutters, leaving......Just like her mother!OOPS!! the girl says......I gotta go now! See you later Daddy.Sissy!!! Why aren't you in school? The guard enters, and with a shocked expression, exclaims......on it and sues us!Sir! You better clean up that puddle of blood before somebody slipsFrom down the hall he yells.......her body out of the room.....Sorry for this inconvenience sir...he nonchalantly says, as he drags He empties the contents of his .357 Magnum into her head.crouching slightly forward, with his pistol drawn.Like a TV detective, the guard leaps into the office with his feet spread,...Let me escort you there.much longer, either. What you need is the Sales Office.I'm sorry sir, this clown is new here. I don't think he is going to lastThe guard says.......The contractor explains himself.The guard comes in and asks what the problem is.He reaches for his wallet as he escorts her out.him!! Now me, you can do business with!!.....Sorry Miss, but you shouldn't be doing business with a jerk likeThe security guard enters and appraises the situation.....Your'e on your own this time pal!!!!ogre. He slowly backs out closing the door. He nervously mutters.....The security guard enters and takes one look at this sinister lookinghis head at you in disgust, and mutters......Christ! What a moron!!As he prepares to escort her out, against her protest, he shakesA security guard enters. He looks at her and then you.Your desk is now in two halves, and your next!!!!The gentleman produces a chainsaw from beneath his jacket!But before you can get into your best line of bullshit.....Hey! Wait a minute buddy......You say.......I don't like you very much, mister.Walking out the door, she says.......your face!Pfht!!! Splat!!!! She spits the other half of the used condom in each and every rubber tastes.....Here at Rubbers R Us, we go through a 27 step process to ensure thatWell, young lady, there is just no accounting for people's tastes.You say......at the mouth.She backs out the door, all the while growling, snapping and foamingscreaming at you.She really begins to rant and rave. You're not even sure what she isto hear from a bozo like you!!She interrupts......That's exactly the chauvinistic shit I expectedattractive woman as...........After all, a man could easily get the wrong ideas about such anhave some concern about what sorts of thoughts men might have.....I can certainly see why such a charming lady as yourself mighthow we traditionally tend to think about women......I agree with you 100%. I feel it's about time we men reevaluatereally is.your best to flatter her, while trying to figure out what her angleAfter listening to her line of shit, and faking some concern, you doYeah??? Well I gotta go.......he makes tracks for the door.He looks at you dubiously and chuckles.....heard they have had a lot of problems with them while orbiting Uranus.be a cosmonaut.....Of course she doesn't use condoms herself, but I'veYou tell him you have a cousin in the old country who is training to needs the electrical outlet to watch her 'Leave it to Beaver' reruns!Later that night the cleaning lady pulls the plug on you, because sheyou to life saving devices.You are transported to the hospital, where they immediately connectas everything in the room.into the office. Braying loudly, he kicks the shit out of you, as wellSuddenly, a crazed donkey, wearing an entirely to tight condom, bounds Come on in honey, it's OK!!!As she struts out you hear her whisper.....to say about that.!!!one of your company's rubbers, and we'll see what your BUDDIES have...I'll just leave my customer here with his cock half strangled byto sit here listening to this horseshit!!Your'e to big a turd to have any buddies, and I don't have the timeShe responds.....with your buddies on the force, and have you both put away.You add that if she and her pal don't take a hike, you'll have a word You explain that you not about to pull a rubber off of some dork's dick!!When you come to, the troll is gone. You've been out for an hour.WHAM!!!!Down comes the waffle iron!!.....What a crock of shit this is......she screams!!!!!can be discussed in a rational manner.You suggest she calm down and take a seat so that the situationYou do your best to convince her that she has a very valid point.Christ!! you think....isn't that just hunky-dory!!!!might be a place for you here in complaints after all. handle all the whackos, like you did her and there....Not bad, a crooked grin.......After she leaves, Jerry sticks his head in the door and states, withblaming Rubbers R Us.her well. She takes the hanger, and leaves, still sad, but no longer As she prepares to leave, you hand her a rusty coat hanger and wishof slander will be forgotten, if she leaves quietly.With mock compassion, you sympathize and add that any considerationresponsibility. He shouldn't let you face this crisis on your own!.....I'm disappointed that your friend isn't showing a little moresurprising, considering the beauty that you are.a little over zealous, and perhaps a mite rough.........Which isn't...I suspect your companion didn't check for a proper fit, and then got.....Why! There's no way a substandard condom could leave this plant!in the industry.....condoms in the world, maintaining the most stringent quality controlYou explain to the naive wench that Rubbers R Us produces the finestHe empties his gun into the scumbag, saving your life!!!!BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!!!The guard bounds through the door......gun pulled!!!!You scream frantically for security!!The punk whips out a chainsaw and whacks Jerry into pieces!!!!Mr. Attrics enters.....He startles the youth!!!he continues, grabbing her ass on the way out.giving her a large lollipop......Let's get some ice cream......I'm going to lunch, punk! Come on 'honey'.....he says to the girl,He turns to you.......Attrics asks the little tyke what her problem is. She tells him .she accepts the offer, and you, BONEHEAD, are out of a job.Blushing, and apologizing for being perhaps a little over-zealous, advertising policies, you may be in a better position to change them.bonehead's job. If in a few months, you are still upset with our...You forget about your little crusade, and I will give you this both of us. He continues....I'm prepared to make you an offer that should satisfyI would be too, if I was a woman competing in a man's world.Miss, I suspect that deep down inside you're a very disturbed person.After listening to her shit for awhile, he interjects......complaints office. Yes, the old master handles this one beautifully.Old Attrics walks out and shows just how he got to be in charge of the....If you want to last around here, you'll remember that.years of experience to handle a guy like that.Now that's the type of customer you should call me for. It takes myOn his return Attrics says.....An hour later, they emerge and Jerry escorts him out of your office.contractor into his office, closing the door.Attrics is more cordial then you thought possible. He escorts the ...And take this moron with you, because he's fired!!!To her......Get the hell out of here, this a respectable business!!You called me out here to talk to THIS?says to you.....The old fart comes out of his office, looks at the hooker, and **********Thanks for playing Corporate Scumbags***********Death from AIDS isn't quite so sudden!!You should have taken the job at that San Francisco bath house.You're dead meat !!!!picture.exeEnter your choice (1/2) 2. Try for another position 1. quitWould you like to:tumultuous work environment.You obviously don't have what it takes to succeed in today's May you toss fitfully in your bed tonight, you shirking welfare dog!the opportunistic gooks and krauts nor the running dog commies!!!With an attitude like yours the country will be safe from neitherYou gutless under-achieving piker!!!!We graciously offer you another chance.mean to select this feeble-minded choice.We, here at Two Men & a Keyboard INC., know that you didn't reallyabout petty shit like this.You remember what that charlatan Attrics said about bothering him ,don't be such a dumb bastard!handle a situation as simple as thisJerry glares at you, grumbling his disbelief at your inability to emerges and leaves, apologizing for the misunderstanding.Jerry escorts the young lady into his office. After five minutes, sheFrom here on, the only job you will be suited for is fishing chum!He has you cornered!!!!Suddenly you notice a chainsaw in his hands.......With lightening speed this maniac is scurrying around the office.what must be a quart of seminal fluid all over you and your desk!She sticks her finger down her throat, and with a mighty gag, regurgitatesbelongs!!!....Take your skinny little ass back down to the playground, where itand that she has no business being here.....You tell her that this is an adult business, concerning adult affairs,She wastes no time in retreating out of the office!her in so many ways, she's bound to fall in love with at least one of them!!With a crazed look in your eyes, you threaten to beat the crap out ofHer mere presence almost provokes you to violence!Never have you ever heard such a twerp spout such horeshit!!Never in your life have you seen such a sorry example of womanhood!!guards shoot you.fired, as of 5 minutes ago, and to leave the premises before he has the30 minutes later Hugh Jusbinfuct, the CEO, calls telling you that you'reHe angrily stamps out without a reply.a net over him.tell him to get the fuck out before the guys in white come in and throwabout rubbers in space. He is obviously a crackpot, so laughing, you You decide that you are tired of listening to this stuffed shirt talkbut I'm calling the cops too.Get the hell out of here you demented bastard! Not only are you fired,could you do this to an animal???. But how seen! I knew you were a creep when I first seen you, Jesus Christ!!...he exclaims....This the sickest thing I've everThe noise attracts Mr. Attrics!!!down and rolls over on his back, braying pitifully, in pain.It's a Donkey!!! He barely makes it into the office, when he fallsA moment later her john enters the office.....Alright asshole, I'm outta here!!! But your gonna regret this!!You tell the bitch to get the fuck out of your office.You never regain counciousness!!crashing into your skull.As you crumple to the floor, she follows up, bringing the instrumentwaffle iron, catching you right square in the balls.As you advance towards her, she swings low, but sure, with theNow things are really going to get ugly!OH!!! You shouldn't have done that!......And when I do, You are fired!!...You sorry looking asshole!!...I'll sue this company until I own it!!!Waggling her finger at you, she screams as she runs out the door..........More tears!!!!to the problems of every lecherous broad that walks in.You state that you are a busy EXECUTIVE who doesn't have time to listenproblems, you sternly tell her to hit the bricks.Tired of listening to this cunt's wah-fucking-wah story about HER654321performing a lobotomy on you with a chainsaw!!!!!You look up suddenly. The last thing you ever see is this nutBRRR-BRRRRRR-BRRRRRRRRR!!!You offer him a box of.......Gee thanks, mister!!!!!! as she merrily skips out the door.She accepts, saying......Experiences' condoms (Tuti-fruti flavor).You apologize and offer her a pack of the latest line of 'Fruity peppermint schnapps into a batch of strawberry condoms.for drinking on the job. It seems that he accidentally spilled someYou explain to her that the company recently had to let a man go.....Rubbers R Us will regret this!!!Upset to the point that her dumpy but frail body trembles, she leaves.......You'll never get away with depicting them this way!!!!My brother is a homosexual, and so are all of my friends...she sobs!!She looks at the wrapper and then breaks into tears......friend! Help stop the spread of AIDS!INTIMATE looking wrestling match. The caption reads 'Be a responsibleThe scene on the package depicts two well muscled men involved in ancompany's latest advertising endeavor.advertising policies. You hand her a pack of condoms, packed in the You tell her that the company is in the process of changing theirbefore the security guard shoots you....You would be smart to clean out your desk, and get off the grounds,, you almost blew the biggest contract this company has ever had!!!Later that afternoon, you receive a call from Hugh Jusbinfuct (The CEO).....Maybe I should talk to someone else......He leaves quietly.He eyes you suspiciously, muttering........your specifications?...Why don't you try these 3 ply 12 mil condoms, and see if they meetstrength condoms, saying......You offer him a box of the company's newest line of industrialShe turns away and walks out....You meet the most BIZARRE assholes in this business!!!sarcastic and sympathetic......She looks at you in total disbelief, and states in a tone that is bothwill fit her largest john.You offer her a new pack of condoms, which YOU personally guaranteeYou come to 20 minutes later, and the hulk is gone.WHAM!!!!The waffle iron comes down on your head!....You're as brainless as that twit husband of mine!!!!What good will those goddamn things do you idiot........She ferociously screams........the inducement will sooth this savage beast.You generously offer her a box of 100 tuna scented condoms, hopinghave done to herslamming the door and vowing to make Rubbers R Us pay for what theyCalling you an insensitive bastard, she tears out of the office,This absurd offer only upsets her further!!!!, don't you think it's kind of late for that????This is your average, chainsaw toting glue sniffer!!!This is not your average glue sniffer!Oh shit!! No time for suggestions. You suggest that he see.....You're a real dork mister!!!As she walks out the door.......in your face!!!Suddenly....Pfht!!! She spits the other half of the used condomYou suggest that she take her snotty little ass elsewhere!!!Off she goes to the sales office.Yeah!! She says, placated.....Goodbye jerk!them a piece of your mind!!!...You know what they need? Someone like YOU, to go up there and give...But do you think they would listen to a peon like me???Slapping you're forehead for dramatics, you continue.....was the wrong approach.I told those idiots in the sales office this would never work, that it, I never forget a favor.me promoted!!! Thanks company a multi-million dollar contract!!!! This is the one that will get....Hey Bub, thanks for sending the contractor. I'm going to land the An hour later you get a call from Willy Scrooyu, the man in charge of sales.He says fine, thanks you, and leaves the office.in sales.You smile politely and tell him that he should probably talk to someoneYou're fired!!!!!Take your PET and go piss-ant.......We don't allow animals in here!!!Attrics adds.......Attric's desk.He sends you flying through the boss's door, where you land onHe starts kicking the shit out of everything, including you!The donkey is going berserk!!!strangled by the rubber.Suddenly a donkey careens in to the room! His tool is indeed being...Go on in honey.As she struts out the door, you hear her say....drained dork hanging out!!!clinic. I'll just leave him dying on your doorstep, with his blood...Are you fucking nuts??? I ain't taking no john to no goddamn professional help.You suggest she take her john to the nearest free clinic forfor 30 minutes of work at the minimum wage???We no longer require your TALENT. Where can we send your checkThe card reads.....at Rubbers R Us. Next to your bed is a bouquet of flowers, and a card from the boysYou come to in the hospital. You're not sure what day it is.WHAM!!!!Down comes the waffle iron!......There's nothing wrong with my marriage!!!!A marriage counselor????she barks....suggest that she and her husband see a marriage counselor.Being genuinely concerned for this woman's wedded bliss, you cautiously....An abortion!!!.....God! What a sick fucker!and emotionally declares......With this final word she storms out. Pausing at the door, she looks backRubbers R Us had damn well better prepare for a long battle in court.She will have this child due to your company's negligence, and miracle of life is to precious to murder in this way.She is obviously unwilling to consider this option, maintaining thatThis brings another cascade of tears!!!!to mind. You casually mention this alternative to her.Several reputable (and some not so reputable) abortion clinics comesales*******Congratulations!!! You're now a big shot in local sales!!********Stick with me kid!! We're going places!And guess what???? I got you my old job!!!! Slip Yadaweeny's job, in charge of national sales., not only did I land that contract, I got that peckerhead,Hey It's Willy Scrooyu from sales.......RING-RING-RING!!!! The phone rings!!worthless job!!!close to retirement, killed, just so you could get his We hope that you are proud of yourself. You got an old man,How do you think that Jerry got so old working here?This is a real 'no-where' job!That's where you are now!You can't get there from here.There is an old saying......You now have his job!Mr. Attrics is dead!!!!How will you handle this fruitcake?parents killed themselves.......And why are there only 31 flavors of ice cream, and it's your fault myYour company's products ruined my marriage to...what's her name, anyway??Suddenly he notices you!! He screams..........like airplane glue. He is mumbling to himself.You notice that there is a rubber stuck to his nose, and he smellsweren't there.nervously around. At first he seems to look past you, as if youA very bizarre looking dude tumbles through the door, and gazes Oh Shit! Not now!!!! Not again!!!RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-RAP-BANG-BANG!!!!!!!!!I can't take much more of this.Christ, what's this younger generation coming to????How will you appease this debutante?...You call this strawberry???? It tastes like shit to me!!!In a snotty tone of voice, she exclaims........It appears to be used, and half eaten!She throws one of the company's fruit flavored condoms on your desk.A adolescent girl in a scout uniform enters.So much for optimism!!RAP-RAPOh well, it's getting late in the day, things should taper off.Jeez!! what a bitch she was!How will you warm up to her?Rubbers R US!!!only as sex objects. FRIGID is launching a major campaign against.....Your company's advertisements are abusive, depicting womenwrathful women dedicated to preserving our right to be women.FRIGID, she continues, is part of a nationwide organization of Group Investigations Department). She states that she represents FRIGID (Female Rights Infractions,An unattractive and prude looking woman enters.Come in sucker!!I think I'm getting the hang of this game now.I hope the rest of them are as easy as he was.That guy wasn't so bad!What will you do with this space-cadet?meet standard military specifications.awarded, your company must correct these problems, and the condoms mustwhen used in a zero-gravity environment. Before the contract can be ...However, we have experienced several deficiencies with your product, for the space project. ....We are considering awarding your company a contract to produce condomscolonies.space colonies, and the problems of population control in these smallHe begins babbling about the space shuttle, and its use of establishingthe space program.He introduces himself as a government contractor, affiliated withA middle aged man dressed in a tacky suit enters.Oh shit, not again!RAP-RAP!!!I didn't know Rubbers R Us had so many dissatisfied customers!God! These people are getting more weird by the minute.What will you do with the hook and her inflated pecker?your company will be liable!!!....He's lost circulation!!!! If the poor fella looses his crank,I have one stuck on a john's crank!!!!.....Time is money, ya know!!! My Pimp is pissed, and right now,.....It takes me 20 minutes to roll one on a john's crank!!!!GUARANTEED to fit the largest of reproductive organs......The label on your package of large size condoms says that they areHer complaint concerns truth in advertising......A garish hooker struts into the office.OH NO!!! Not again, so soon!I really don't need more like her!!Damn, she was tough!!How will you sweet-talk this babe?...I DEMAND satisfaction!!!!!With a threatening glare, she sneers...........get one to stay on my lazy, weak-kneed husband's flaccid weeny????.....What the hell good are these damn things, when I can't evenShe angrily tosses an open pack on your desk.......She complains that your rubbers are useless!wielding what looks like an over-sized waffle iron.A husky, middle aged frump of a housewife enters your office,Oh God! Here we go again!RAP-RAP-RAPI hope the next customer isn't as hard to please as she was!Boy!!!! I'm glad she is gone.How will you handle this customer???for child support.She is very upset, and announces that she intends to sue Rubbers R Usfamily doctor has just revealed that she is pregnant!!!At the height of their zeal the goddamn thing ripped apart, and the your flimsy condoms, were engaging in sexual intercourse.that a couple of months ago she and her boyfriend, he wearing one ofAfter indulging her long enough to get her under control, she explainsout of her eyes.A good looking young lady enters your office with tears streamingOh Boy!!!.....My first customer!Suddenly!!!!!.....RAP-RAP-RAP on the door!be promoted out of this dilemma, you eagerly go to work.Not being a quitter, and secure in the knowledge, that you will soonposition!!!Even you are bright enough to know this is not a career enhancingassortment of RETURNED and USED products.see who lost their lunch. You peer inside, seeing only a various The drawer front pops off in your hand, as you attempt to open it to doesn't remind you of anything except maybe puke!!As you sit, you immediately detect a faint but nauseous odor. It The desk is a rickety old wooden piece of shit, hardly an antique.are sticking to the floor.As you cross the room to sit at your desk, you notice that your feetin the ceiling, on a cracked and fraying extension cord.to the lighting......a single 60 watt bulb hanging from a gaping holestill aren't sure what color it once was. Of course, this could be dueThe walls are badly cracked. Where the paint hasn't peeled off, you you begin surveying your OFFICE.As if Attric's 'welcome to the family' speech wasn't inspiring enough,promotion in a matter of weeks.If an old derelict like him can do this, I'll be a shoo-in forThis job is going to be a breeze!!Christ.....you think.....Attrics you can just piss up a rope!or two.You might just stick around here long enough to collect a paycheck...Keep your shit in one sock, and keep out of my fucking hair...for airheaded rookies like you., that's all there is to it. We like to keep the job simpleWell often. to hear. Bullshitting is a valuable tool, learn to use it Most of these jerks like for you to tell them what they wantBULLSHIT - In most situations, the best thing you can do is bullshit. security for help in booting them out.BUZZ - If someone comes in that a puss like you can't handle, buzz get someone who doesn't belong here, boot his ass out.BOOT - Sometimes this business attracts all kinds of weirdos. If you another dimwit that can. to handle. If you can't do this schmuck job, I'll find hate being bothered with dumb ass stuff you should be able and can't think of anyone to refer them to. But, I reallyCALL THE BOSS - You can call me if you really don't know what to do, refer them to somebody else.REFERRAL - If someone complains, and you're not sure what to do, you can apologize and replace it promptlyEXCHANGE - If anyone comes in bitching about the quality our product,These are your options:There's only a few things you can do anyway.You just sit at your desk and deal with people as they come in....It's so simple, even a brain dead dork like you can do it.Jerry explains the job........fucking punk ass so fast, you won't know what hit you!!!...Get out of line ONCE, and I'll have you tossed out on yourWheezing....trying to be intimidating.....going on around here......I may be on in years, but I'm the ONLY one that knows what's...Don't get any fucking ideas about getting my job!!!!You kids never last long around here.As he eyeballs you warily, he smugly adds........I see they sent me a punk kid again.....the old fart snaps!!Jerry Attrics is a real charmer..........Report to Mr. Jerry Attrics, he will be your supervisor.the organization. We guarantee consumer confidence in our productin the Complaint Department. This is a very important facet ofPeter Grabber the Department Head. We will be starting you out and welcome to public relations. I am Congratulations, 0BRO).H;+05h^lqv,;@f}KY^c EyqKK;mrD;F OkEa} 1 M i       9 U `      % 0    I      D    Z_m9i$hQ|+j BpuZ]