1 REM *************************************************************
2 REM **            This is a module of the                      **
3 REM ** Anatomically Correct Bulletin Board System (ACBBS)      **
4 REM ** Written and copyrighted April, 1986 by Howard Stateman. **
5 REM ** All Rights reserved. This program is distributed free   **
6 REM ** to the public on the condition that it is not sold or   **
7 REM ** licensed for a fee of any kind, except donations payable**
8 REM ** to Howard, 4546 El Camino B-10 #335 Los Altos, CA 94022 **
9 REM *************************************************************
10 REM CHERCHAT.BAS IS CHAT USER-FRIENDLY, Hacked for QuickBasic & PCBoard
20 ' $INCLUDE: 'DOORSORC.INT'
25 PROGNAME$ = "Cheri": RELEASE$ = "1.3": ANSI = no: CAPS = yes
26 I1$ = "NAME": I2$ = CALLNAME$: CALL ScriptCMD: NA$ = O1$: REM make NA$ Caps/Lc of CALLNAME$
27 Exit.Dor.1$ = "I hope this helped you to get off, " + NA$
29 Exit.Dor.2$ = "Returning you to " + BBSNAME$
30 CALL ClrScrn
35 CLOSE #1
40 ON ERROR GOTO 9999
50 DIM W$(40, 11, 3): REM W$(KEYWORD,REPLIES,# OF REPLIES/LAST REPLY#)
100 REM How this program is organized:
101 REM Data is hardcoded in. It can easily be changed to take data
102 REM   from a separate file. All data is in string form, needing quotes
103 REM Data is organized by keyword. Keyword is the word the program
104 REM searches for in the sentence typed by the end user.
105 REM The format is simple. The keyword is followed by the number
106 REM of replies which match that keyword. The replies then follow
107 REM   immediately. The program reads the keyword, and tries to match it
108 REM   in the sentence. If there is no match it jumps to the next keyword.
109 REM   If it finds a match, it then reads the number of replies, and
110 REM   then reads the replies themselves into an array. The complete array
111 REM   is already there, but data only loads as a match is found. The
112 REM   array also has room for a flag showing the last reply for that
113 REM   keyword. As soon as all replies for a given keyword have been
114 REM used up, the program gracefully exits. The exit message varies,
115 REM   depending on the time left.
116 REM Each keyword can handle up to 10 replies. Currently the program
117 REM expects either 3 or 10 replies per keyword. If you change this, you
118 REM also need to change the flag tracking starting at line 660.
122 REM The number of keywords in this version is 40. If you add more, change
123 REM the DIM statement in line 50. W$(x,y,z) x=number of keywords,
124 REM   y=max number of replies per keyword + 1, z= 3 spaces for flags
125 REM
126 REM   To add more replies, just change the number after the keyword,
127 REM and add the extra replies just below the appropriate keyword
128 REM
129 REM To change the typing speed, change the values in lines 1740-1770
130 REM To change the delay between the end user input and the reply,
131 REM alter the value in line  2020
180 COUNT = 0:
189 CRLF$ = CHR$(13) + CHR$(10): PORT = 13
195 REM RANK = ASC(Security.Level$): TI = VAL(Times.on$)
360 GOSUB 4900: REM TIME DELAY FOR SYSOP TO START TYPING
370 CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15): GOSUB 7900: GOSUB 1670: REM 7900 LOADS DIFFERENT GREETINGS, DEPENDING ON TIME
380 REM -USER INPUT SECTION- ADDED TO BY LINDSAY JONES ON 8-24-85
390 CALL SEND("", no, yes, 15)
395 Z0$ = Z1$: GOSUB 1780
397 IF Z1$ = Z0$ THEN 7830: REM GET INPUT//CHECK DUPES
398 I$ = Z1$: COUNT = COUNT + 1
400 REM IF LEN(I$) > 80 THEN I$ = LEFT$(I$, 80): REM ONLY PROCESS 1st 80 CHARS
405 IF LEFT$(I$, 1) = "I" THEN I$ = RIGHT$(I$, (LEN(I$) - 1)): REM CHOP OFF LEADING "I"'S
410 IF LEN(I$) < 1 OR LEFT$(I$, 3) = "BYE" OR LEFT$(I$, 4) = "QUIT" OR LEFT$(I$, 4) = "EXIT" THEN I$ = "X": GOTO 450
430 IF COUNT = 20 THEN F$ = "How long have you fucked goats, " + NA$ + " ?": GOSUB 1670: GOTO 390
435 IF COUNT > 20 THEN 7830
440 REM CHAT ROUTINE BOMBOUT BY HOWARD STATEMAN 8/85
450 IF I$ = "X" THEN GOTO 1630
460 I$ = " " + I$ + " "
500 REM FIND THE KEYWORD IN THE SENTENCE
510 RESTORE: RR$ = ""
520 FOR X = 1 TO 40
530 READ W$(X, 1, 1)
540 FOR Z = 1 TO (LEN(I$) - LEN(W$(X, 1, 1)) + 1)
550 IF MID$(I$, Z, LEN(W$(X, 1, 1))) = W$(X, 1, 1) THEN RR$ = W$(X, 1, 1): GOTO 570: REM WE HAVE A MATCH
560 NEXT Z
570 READ W$(X, 1, 2): L = VAL(W$(X, 1, 2))
580 FOR Y = 2 TO L + 1
590 READ W$(X, Y, 1)
600 NEXT Y
610 IF RR$ = W$(X, 1, 1) THEN 650
620 NEXT X
630 RR$ = "NOMATCH": X = X - 1
640 REM
650 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "" THEN W$(X, 1, 3) = W$(X, 1, 2): REM PLUG THE MAX # INTO CURRENT #
651 XW = VAL(W$(X, 1, 3)): XS = VAL(RIGHT$(HS$, 1)): IF XW <= 1 THEN 653: REM XS=1/100 SECONDS FROM THE CLOCK
652 IF XW > XS THEN XW = XW - 1
653 IF XW < 0 THEN XW = 0
655 W$(X, 1, 3) = RIGHT$(STR$(XW), 1)
656 REM Above randomizes by subtracting current answer # based on 1/100 sec clock
700 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "10" THEN F$ = W$(X, 11, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "9": GOTO 800
710 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "9" THEN F$ = W$(X, 10, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "8": GOTO 800
720 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "8" THEN F$ = W$(X, 9, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "7": GOTO 800
730 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "7" THEN F$ = W$(X, 8, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "6": GOTO 800
740 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "6" THEN F$ = W$(X, 7, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "5": GOTO 800
750 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "5" THEN F$ = W$(X, 6, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "4": GOTO 800
760 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "4" THEN F$ = W$(X, 5, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "3": GOTO 800
770 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "3" THEN F$ = W$(X, 4, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "2": GOTO 800
780 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "2" THEN F$ = W$(X, 3, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "1": GOTO 800
790 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "1" THEN F$ = W$(X, 2, 1): W$(X, 1, 3) = "0": GOTO 800
795 IF W$(X, 1, 3) = "0" THEN 7830
800 REM Print THE REPLY
810 CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15): GOSUB 1670: GOTO 380
1000 REM PROGRAM DATA FOLLOWS
1001 DATA "FUCK","5"
1002 DATA "What's your favorite position? Mine is you on top."
1003 DATA "I'm a fan of Doggie Style. Want to try it with me?"
1004 DATA "I bet you'd be a great lay."
1005 DATA "Would you meet me after work Wednesday for a good fuck?"
1006 DATA "Do you do oral sex? I know I can make you cum."
1007 DATA "YOUR NAME","1"
1008 DATA "My name is Cheri. What's yours?"
1009 DATA "HELLO","3"
1010 DATA "Hi, sexy. Glad to meet you."
1011 DATA "I think I'm in love. Telll me about yourself."
1012 DATA "Hello, good-looking. Want to have some fun?"
1013 DATA "ME","3"
1014 DATA "Tell me what you like in a woman."
1015 DATA "I'd like to hear more about you."
1016 DATA "I'll bet you have to beat the lovers off with a stick!"
1017 DATA "FUN","3"
1018 DATA "For fun I like to make it with a sexual athlete like you."
1019 DATA "Are you a lot of fun?"
1020 DATA "Party!!!!!"
1021 DATA "PUSSY","3"
1022 DATA "Just meet me Friday night and you'll see some REAL pussy"
1023 DATA "Tell me what you'd do with your tongue to my love tunnel"
1024 DATA "Meow!"
1025 DATA "FEMALE","3"
1026 DATA "I am all woman."
1027 DATA "I do men, but I also like to lick cunt now and then. How about you?"
1028 DATA "I'm on the pill."
1029 DATA "REAL","5"
1030 DATA "I'm a machine alright== a 100% pure fuck machine"
1031 DATA "Shut up about computers already. I wanna talk dirty!"
1032 DATA "Can you talk dirty in machine language?"
1033 DATA "vacuum cleaners suck."
1034 DATA "But have you ever fucked a PC?"
1035 DATA "ELIZA","1"
1036 DATA "No, this is not the stupid Eliza program! My name is Cheri!"
1037 DATA "LICK","3"
1038 DATA "If I lick your ass clean, will you do my pussy?"
1039 DATA "Lick, suck, fuck...I do it all."
1040 DATA "Know the speed limit on Hwy. 69? Lickety-Split!"
1041 DATA "COMPUTER","3"
1042 DATA "My name is Cheri, and I'm not a computer. Are you?"
1043 DATA "No, this is a real live human being who wants your bodyh."
1044 DATA "I love computer sex, but I'd rather do you in person, sweetie!"
1045 DATA "BBS","3"
1046 DATA "This is a nice BBS, but I like APCUG in Scott's Valley better."
1047 DATA "What's yourt favorite board?"
1048 DATA "They have a lot of BBS's listed here. Type O from the main menu."
1049 DATA "WOMAN","3"
1050 DATA "I'm all woman. But I go both ways."
1051 DATA "Yeah, I'm a graduate of Slippery Dick U."
1052 DATA "I like those long legs and cute round butts on women."
1053 DATA "MAN","3"
1054 DATA "I go for men in a BIG way. If you know what I mean"
1055 DATA "I'd kill for a horney stud right now. "
1056 DATA "I am ambisexual. How about you?"
1057 DATA "WORK","3"
1058 DATA "But have you ever heard of someone going blind WORKING with himself?"
1059 DATA "Eeeew! The W word!"
1060 DATA "Girls just want to have fun"
1061 DATA "HOW","3"
1062 DATA "How about a French Kiss? "
1063 DATA "How?"
1064 DATA "I'm getting naked right now for you. How would you like to make love?"
1065 DATA "CAN","10"
1066 DATA "Yes, we can make love. What's your number?"
1067 DATA "We can get naked and talk sexy. You go first."
1068 DATA "Ooooooooooooh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! That felt GOOOOOD!"
1069 DATA "I LOVE U!"
1070 DATA "Why not? You look like a big enough stud for my little wet pussy."
1071 DATA "My mother told me I can be a good girl. I'm ALWAYS good!"
1072 DATA "So tell me, studkins, what size rubber do YOU use?"
1073 DATA "I think I'm in love. stroke me some more."
1075 DATA "Do you like the feel of pubic hair? Want to feel mine?"
1076 DATA "Yes!"
1077 DATA "WHEN","3"
1078 DATA "When would you like to have sex next?"
1079 DATA "If you fuck as well as you type, we can do it right now."
1080 DATA "When are you free?"
1081 DATA "WHY","3"
1082 DATA "Because life was meant for love."
1083 DATA "Because we love you. Ask M-I-C-K-E-Y."
1084 DATA "Why not?"
1085 DATA "NOT","3"
1086 DATA "Oh, gee, smile a little. Loosen up. Maybe you'll get lucky."
1087 DATA "Things are lookig up, aren't they? Or should I stroke you to get you up?"
1088 DATA "Think positive! I like a man who has a big grin."
1089 DATA "NO","3"
1090 DATA "Such a negative attitude. Sit on a happy face."
1091 DATA "Yes!"
1092 DATA "If you are REAL nice to me, things will really brighten up."
1093 DATA "YES","3"
1094 DATA "I forgot the question. What were we talking about?"
1095 DATA "Yes? Are you THAT easy?"
1096 DATA "How sweet!"
1097 DATA "MAYBE","3"
1098 DATA "Oh, please, I want you!"
1099 DATA "Wehn I say maybe, it usually means YES."
1100 DATA "and maybe not? Aww gee."
1101 DATA "YOU ","10"
1102 DATA "Is that pussy juice on your face, or are you just happy to see me?"
1103 DATA "Never mind all that. Want a hot date?"
1104 DATA "An I think I'm in love."
1105 DATA "Can you suck a tennis ball through a garden hose? I can."
1106 DATA "You're so charming to me."
1107 DATA "What would you like me to do to make you feel happy?"
1108 DATA "It must be hard to walk, with such a big hard cock."
1109 DATA "Can you talk more about yourself?"
1110 DATA "But what about MY feelings?"
1111 DATA "I care about you as a person."
1112 DATA "SEX","3"
1113 DATA "Where do you go when you want to get laid?"
1114 DATA "If I stick my cunt in your face, will you say you love me?"
1115 DATA "Computer sex is nothing compared to the real thing."
1116 DATA "QUIT","3"
1117 DATA "You don't REALLY want to go now, do you?"
1118 DATA "If you type an X and then a return, it means you don't love me."
1119 DATA "Quit now? We hardly know each other yet!"
1120 DATA "DICK","3"
1121 DATA "Tell me about your love tool, sugar."
1122 DATA "How thick is it?"
1123 DATA "I need 12 inches. And that's just for foreplay."
1124 DATA "COCK","3"
1125 DATA "What would you do with that hot rod?"
1126 DATA "Harder! Deeper!"
1127 DATA "I could use a big manly stud right now"
1128 DATA "GIRL","3"
1129 DATA "I enjoy being a girl. Do you enjoy having a girl?"
1130 DATA "What a pervert! I think I'm in love."
1131 DATA "I prefer men, myself. but girls are fun, too."
1132 DATA "WOMEN","3"
1133 DATA "Let me show you what you're missing at home."
1134 DATA "Would you like to make a sandwich, you, me and my girlfriend?"
1135 DATA "viva la difference, right?"
1136 DATA "WHAT","3"
1137 DATA "What would YOU like to do?"
1138 DATA "I'm playing with myself, thinking of you. What are you doing?"
1139 DATA "I like to eat out. And in-and-out."
1140 DATA "ME","3"
1141 DATA "Me and you, a great couple."
1142 DATA "Tell me what you like to do with a woman."
1143 DATA "Are you a real stud?"
1144 DATA "MY","3"
1145 DATA "Your dick and my little wet love canal. A perfect matchg."
1146 DATA "You really have a point there. Can you hang your hat on it?"
1147 DATA "Your WHAT need my special attention?"
1148 DATA "SUCK","3"
1149 DATA "IBM also sucks, but it doesn't make me wet."
1150 DATA "yes, being eaten and giving head is fun and a half."
1151 DATA "If I meet you in the park, can I give you a rim job?"
1152 DATA "HELP","3"
1153 DATA "What can I help you with?"
1154 DATA "I'd like to help you off with your clothes."
1155 DATA "I'd rather be helpless, in your arms, sugar!"
1156 DATA "SYSOP","3"
1157 DATA "I fuck the sysop, but I need more."
1158 DATA "Oh, he's asleep. We just fucked."
1159 DATA "No, I just suck his balls for him. Would you like the same?"
1160 DATA "WHO","3"
1161 DATA "I'm Cheri. I'm 19 and have red hair ALL over. Who are YOU?"
1162 DATA "Who am I? Just Cheri."
1163 DATA "I'm a redhead so hot that I need to carry my own smoke alarm!"
1164 DATA "WHERE","3"
1165 DATA "I'm here in Palo Alto, waiting for your massive manhood."
1166 DATA "Where would you like?"
1167 DATA "How about meeting me at Santa Cruz Boardwalk this weekend?"
1168 DATA "MASSAGE","2"
1169 DATA "I give a great massage. How about tomorrow night?"
1170 DATA "If you rub me, I'll rub you."
1171 DATA "NOMATCH","10"
1172 DATA "Tell me what you'd do with my sweet red-haired pussy."
1173 DATA "If I was a virgin, how would you cure me?"
1174 DATA "What's your favorite kind of lover?"
1175 DATA "Right. Wouldn't you rather be sucking my juicy cunt?"
1176 DATA "I want your cock in my mouth."
1177 DATA "Talk dirty to me! Use those sexy 4-letter words!"
1178 DATA "I'm very innocent. Please be gentle with me."
1179 DATA "I want you. I NEED you. Tell me how you will take me."
1180 DATA "Ooooooooooooh! How I'd love to lick your balls!"
1181 DATA "What drugs do you do?"
1630 REM BOMBOUT SEQUENCE
1640 REM IF I$="HELP" THEN F$="SORRY, YOU'RE BEYOND HELP!":GOSUB 1670
1650 CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15): F$ = "Bye-bye, " + NA$ + ".  I'll dream about you" + CHR$(13) + CHR$(10): GOSUB 1670
1660 CLOSE
1665 CALL ExitDoor: REM CHAIN "ACBBS"
1670 REM TYPING SIMULATION SUBROUTINE
1675 GOSUB 4900: REM 'THINKING' DELAY
1677 BCNT = BCNT + 1: REM mistakes counter
1680 FOR X = 1 TO LEN(F$)
1690 GOSUB 8000: REM MISTAKE GENERATOR
1700 IF X / 11 = INT(X / 11) THEN GOSUB 1740 ELSE IF X / 3 = INT(X / 3) THEN GOSUB 1750 ELSE IF X / 7 = INT(X / 7) THEN GOSUB 1760 ELSE GOSUB 1770
1710 CALL SEND(MID$(F$, X, 1), no, no, 15)
1720 NEXT X
1730 RETURN
1735 REM ADDS TYPING-LIKE DELAYS (called from line 1700)
1740 FOR P = 1 TO 100: NEXT P: RETURN
1750 FOR P = 1 TO 250: NEXT P: RETURN
1760 FOR P = 1 TO 1000: NEXT P: RETURN
1770 FOR P = 1 TO 200: NEXT P: RETURN
1780 REM ************* SUBROUTINE TO INPUT  ***
1790 CALL Incomm(CALLNAME$ + ">", no, no, 15): Z1$ = UCASE$(ARG$): REM ARG$ is INcomm return string
1800 RETURN
2000 REM "THINKING" DELAYS
2010 XDLY = XDLY + 1: IF XDLY > 5 THEN XDLY = 1
2020 FOR X = 1 TO (XDLY * 100): NEXT X
2030 RETURN
4900 REM VARIABLE DELAY TIME FOR SYSOP'S RESPONSE
4910 REM GOSUB 7700: XS = VAL(RIGHT$(HS$, 1)): REM XS=1/100 SECONDS FROM THE CLOCK
4920 Z9 = 3 * 100
4930 FOR Z10 = 1 TO Z9: NEXT Z10
4940 RETURN
7700 RETURN: REM TICTOC FINDS THE TIME ON A TVI802H
7710 MN = PEEK(&HF995): HH = PEEK(&HF996): SS = PEEK(&HF994): HS = PEEK(&HF993)
7720 DD = PEEK(&HF997): MM = PEEK(&HF998): YY2 = PEEK(&HF999): YY1 = PEEK(&HF99A)
7730 HH$ = HEX$(HH): MN$ = HEX$(MN): SS$ = HEX$(SS): HS$ = HEX$(HS): IF LEN(MN$) = 1 THEN MN$ = "0" + MN$
7731 TIME$ = HEX$(HH) + ":" + MN$: DATE$ = HEX$(MM) + "/" + HEX$(DD)
7740 HHON = VAL(HHON$): HHOFF = VAL(HHOFF$): MNON = VAL(MNON$): MNOFF = VAL(MNOFF$)
7745 HHLFT = HHOFF - VAL(HEX$(HH))
7746 IF HHLFT < 0 THEN HHLFT = HHLFT + 24
7747 IF Time.left < 1 THEN 7830
7770 RETURN
7800 REM LOGOUT MESSAGE LOADER STARTS HERE
7830 IF Time.left < 5 THEN 7840 ELSE IF Time.left < 10 THEN 7850 ELSE IF Time.left < 15 THEN 7860 ELSE IF Time.left < 20 THEN 7870 ELSE 7880
7840 F$ = "Damn, the phone's ringing. Gotta go": CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15): GOSUB 1670: CALL SEND("", no, yes, 15): GOTO 1650
7850 F$ = "Gotta go change out of these wet panties...": CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15):  GOSUB 1670: CALL SEND("", no, yes, 15): GOTO 1650
7860 F$ = "You've got me so hot I can't type!": CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15):  GOSUB 1670: CALL SEND("", no, yes, 15): GOTO 1650
7870 F$ = "I'm going to go lie down and rub my clitty": CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15): GOSUB 1670: CALL SEND("", no, yes, 15): GOTO 1650
7880 F$ = "I gotta go tinkle.": CALL SEND("CHERI>", no, no, 15): GOSUB 1670: CALL SEND("", no, yes, 15): GOTO 1650
7900 REM GREETINGS LOADER STARTS HERE
7905 REM CALL SEND("Security.level=" + STR$(VAL(Security.level$)), no, no, 2)
7910 IF Time.left > 30 THEN 7940
7930 REM IF VAL(Security.level$) < 30 THEN CALL SEND("Please don't call here anymore", no, Yes, 15): CALL ExitDoor
7935 IF Time.left > 25 AND TI < 2 THEN F$ = "So you're new here, " + NA$ + "? Talk sexy to me!": RETURN
7939 IF Time.left > 25 THEN F$ = "Well, fancy meeting you here, " + NA$: RETURN
7940 IF Time.left >= 25 THEN F$ = "Hi! I am naked for you!": RETURN
7941 IF Time.left = 24 THEN F$ = "Are you male or female, " + NA$ + " ?": RETURN
7942 IF Time.left = 23 THEN F$ = "What a sexy body you have.": RETURN
7943 IF Time.left = 22 THEN F$ = "Nice to see you here, " + NA$ + "?": RETURN
7944 IF Time.left = 21 THEN F$ = "I've been hoping you would chat with me, sexy.": RETURN
7945 IF Time.left = 20 THEN F$ = "Want to party?": RETURN
7946 IF Time.left = 19 THEN F$ = "So, " + NA$ + ", can I relieve your boredom?": RETURN
7947 IF Time.left = 18 THEN F$ = "Kiss me, you fool!": RETURN
7948 IF Time.left = 17 THEN F$ = "You have my favorite kind of penis.": RETURN
7949 IF Time.left = 16 THEN F$ = "So how's your love life?": RETURN
7950 IF Time.left = 15 THEN F$ = "Oooh! I like YOU!": RETURN
7951 IF Time.left = 14 THEN F$ = "I want you to fuck me till I can't walk straight": RETURN
7952 IF Time.left = 13 THEN F$ = "I'm a virgin. Please be gentle.": RETURN
7953 IF Time.left = 12 THEN F$ = "How old were you when you lost your virginity?": RETURN
7954 IF Time.left = 11 THEN F$ = "Are you into virgins?": RETURN
7955 IF Time.left = 10 THEN F$ = "What's it take to get you into bed on a first date?": RETURN
7956 IF Time.left = 9 THEN F$ = "Can I see your pecker?": RETURN
7957 IF Time.left = 8 THEN F$ = "It's so HARD! I love a man like that!": RETURN
7958 IF Time.left = 7 THEN F$ = "Can I fondle your balls?": RETURN
7959 IF Time.left = 6 THEN F$ = "What's your idea of a Good Time?": RETURN
7960 IF Time.left = 5 THEN F$ = "Hi, " + NA$ + ", I only have time for a quickie.": RETURN
7961 IF Time.left = 4 THEN F$ = "Talk fast, lover, we only have 4 minutes.": RETURN
7962 IF Time.left = 3 THEN F$ = "If we start masturbating right now, we may get off before they log us off.": RETURN
7963 IF Time.left = 2 THEN F$ = "Are we having fun yet?": RETURN
7964 IF Time.left = 1 THEN F$ = "Oh, I'm sorry. We're outa time. Call again later sweets!": RETURN
7965 IF Time.left = 0 THEN F$ = "Goodbye, " + NA$ + "!": RETURN
8000 REM MISTAKE GENERATOR
8005 fuck = fuck + 1: IF fuck = 7 THEN fuck = 0
8006 IF fuck = 2 OR fuck = 4 OR fuck = 6 THEN 8020
8007 IF fuck = 1 THEN 8010
8008 IF fuck = 0 THEN 8015
8009 IF fuck = 5 THEN 8017
8010 IF (X = 5 OR X = 15 OR X = 52) THEN 8030 ELSE 8020
8015 IF (X = 8 OR X = 20 OR X = 62) THEN 8050 ELSE 8020
8017 IF (X = 18 OR X = 23 OR X = 26) THEN 8030 ELSE 8020
8020 RETURN
8030 fuck$ = MID$(F$, X - 1, 3): GOSUB 1760:  REM long delay
8040 CALL SEND(fuck$, no, no, 15): GOSUB 1760: CALL BackSpaceToCol(X + 5): GOSUB 1760: CALL SEND(MID$(F$, X - 1, 1), no, no, 15): GOSUB 1760: CALL SEND(MID$(F$, X, 1), no, no, 15): X = X + 1: GOTO 8070
8050 fuck$ = MID$(F$, X - 1, 5): GOSUB 1760:  REM long delay
8060 CALL SEND(fuck$, no, no, 15): GOSUB 1760: CALL BackSpaceToCol(X + 6): GOSUB 1760: CALL SEND(MID$(F$, X - 1, 1), no, no, 15): GOSUB 1760: CALL SEND(MID$(F$, X, 1), no, no, 15): X = X + 1: GOTO 8070
8070 RETURN
9000 END
9999 RESUME NEXT