There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instanly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizzare and inexplicable.
 
Rule of Accuracy:
    When working toward the solution of a problem, it is  always
    helpful  if  you  know the answer.  Corollary:  Provided, of
    course, you know that there is a problem.
 
The First Rule of Acting:
    Whatever happens, look as if it was intended.
 
The Airplane law:
    When the plane you are on is late, the  plane  you  want  to
    transfer to is on time.
 
Allen's Law:
    Almost anything is easier to get into that out of.
 
Alley's Axiom:
    Justice always prevails ...  three times out of seven.
 
Anderson's Law:
    I  have  yet to see any problem, however compilcated, which,
    when looked at in the right way, did not become  still  more
    compilcated.
 
Law of Annoyance:
    When  working  on  a  project,  if  you put away a tool that
    you're certain  you're  finished  with,  you  will  need  it
    instantly.
 
Anthony's Law of Force:
    Don't force it;  get a larger hammer.
 
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the lease  accessible
    corner  of  the  workshop.   Corollary:   On  the way to the
    corner, any dropped tool will strike your toes.
 
Laws of Applied Terror:
    1.  When reviewing your  notes  before  an  exam,  the  most
    important ones will be illegible.
    2.  The more studying you did before the exam, the less sure
    you are as to which answer they want.
    3.  80% of the final exam will be based on the  one  lecture
    you missed or the one book you didn't read.
    4.   Every  instructor assumes that you have nothing else to
    do except study for that instructor's course.
    5.  If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget  the
    book.   Corollary:   If  you are given a take-home exam, you
    will forget where you live.
    6.  At the end  of  the  semester  you  will  recall  having
    enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester -- and
    never attending.
 
Morabis Law:
    If it moves, hit it; if  it doesn't  move, hit  it once, and
    make it move.
 
Army Law:
    If it moves, salute it;  if it doesn't  move,  pick  it  up;
    and if you can't pick it up, paint it.
 
Law of Arrival:
    Those who live closest arrive latest.
 
Arthur's First Law of Love:
    People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind
    them of someone else.
 
Arthur's Second Law of Love:
    The love letter you finally got the courage to send will  be
    delayed  in  the  mail long enough for you to make a fool of
    yourself in person.
 
Authur's Third Law of Love:
    Other people's romantic gestures seem  novel  and  exciting.
    You own romantic gestures seem foolish and clumsy.
 
Athena's Rule of Driving Courtesy:
    If  you  allow someone to get in front of you, you both will
    have the same destination, and the other car  will  get  the
    last parking space.
 
Atwood's Fourteenth Corollary:
    No  books are lost by lending, except those you particularly
    wanted to keep.
 
Ballance's Law of Relativity:
    How long a minute is depends on which side of  the  bathroom
    door you're on.
 
Barrett's Laws of Driving:
    1.   You  can  get  ANYWHERE  in  ten minutes if you go fast
    enough.
    2.  Speed bumps are of negligible effect  when  the  vehicle
    exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
    3.  The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you
    are.
    4.  This lane ends in 500 feet.
 
Barth's Distinction:
    There are two types of people;  those who divide people into
    two types, and those who don't.
 
Beauregard's Law:
    When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut.
 
Bedfellow's Rule:
    The one who snores will always fall asleep first.
 
Belle's Constant:
    The  ratio  of  time  involved in work to time available for
    work is usually about 0.6.
 
Beifeld's Principle:
    The probability of a  young  man  meeting  a  desirable  and
    receptive  young  female  increases by pyramidal progression
    when he is already in the company of:  (1) a date,  (2)  his
    wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
 
Berra's First Law:
    You can obserce a lot just by watching.
 
Berra's Second Law:
    Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
 
Beryl's Law:
    The "Consumer Report" on the item will come out a week after
    you've made your purchase.
 
Bess' Universal Principles:
    1.  The telephone will ring when you are outside  the  door,
    fumbling for your keys.
    2.   You  will reach it just in time to hear to click of the
    caller hanging up.
 
The First Law of Bicycling:
    No matter which way you're riding, it's uphill  and  against
    the wind.
 
Bitton's Postulate on State-of-the-Art Electronics:
    If you understand it, it's obsolete.
 
Bill Babcock's Law:
    If  it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow
    it and you will break it.
 
Billings' Law:
    Live  within  your  income, even if you have to borrow to do
    so.
 
Biondi's Law:
    If your project doesn't work, look for the part  you  didn't
    think was important.
 
Bocklage's Law:
    He who laughes last -- probably didn't get the joke.
 
Boob's Law:
    You always find something the last place you look.
 
Boozers Revision:
    A bird in the hand is dead.
 
Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy:
    1.  When in doubt, mumble.
    2.  When in trouble, delegate.
    3.  When in charge, ponder.
 
Boston's Irreversible Law of Clutter:
    In  any  household,  junk  accumulates  to  fill  the  space
    available for its storage.
 
Bowie's Theorem:
    If  an  experiment  works,  you  must  be  using  the  wrong
    experiment.
 
Brien's Law:
    At   some   time  in  the  life  cycle  of  virtually  every
    organization, it ability to succeed in spite of itself  runs
    out.
 
First Law of Bridge:
    It's always the partner's fault.
 
Britt's Green Thumb Postulate:
    If life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with it
    price and directly with its ugliness.
 
Bromberg's First Law of Auto Repair:
    When the need arises, any tool  or  object  closest  to  you
    becomes a hammer.
 
Bromberg's Second Law of Auto Repair:
    No  matter  how  minor  the task, you will inevitable end up
    covered with grease and motor oil.
 
Brooke's Law:
    Whenever a system  becomes  completely  defines,  some  fool
    discovers  something  which  either  abolishes the system or
    expands it beyond recognition.
 
Bunuel's Law:
    Overdoing things is harmful in all cases, even when it comes
    to efficiency.
 
The Bureaucracy Priciple:
    Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy.
 
Burke's Rule:
    Never create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
    Corollary:  Create problems for  which  only  you  have  the
    answer.
 
The First Law of Business Meetings:
    The  lead in a pencil will break in direct proportion to the
    importance of the notes being taken.
 
The Second Law of Business Meetings:
    If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you
    will  pick  the wrong one.  Corollary:  If there is only one
    way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong, anyway.
 
Bye's First Law:
    Any time you wish to demonstrate something,  the  number  of
    faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
 
Cafeteria Law:
    The  item  you had your eye on the minute you walked in will
    be taken by the person in front of you.
 
Calkin's Law of Menu Language:
  The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the
description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the
quality of the resulting dish.
 
Campbell's First Law of Automotive Repair:
  If you can get to the faulty part, you don't have the tool to
get it off.
 
Campbell's Second Law of Automotive Repair:
  If you can get the part off, the parts house will have it
back-ordered.
 
Captain Penny's Law:
  You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.
 
The Cardinal Conundrum:
  An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible
worlds.  The pessimist fears this is true.
 
Carruther's Comment on a Teacher of English:
  "Maybe she woke up on the wrong side of the cage."
 
Cheops' Law:
  Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
 
Chisolm Effect - Basic Laws of Frustration, Mishap, and Delay:
    1.  If anything can go wrong, it will.   Corollary:   If  it
    just can't go wrong, it will anyway.
    2.   When  things  are  going  well,  some  will  go  wrong.
    Corollary:  When things appear to be going  well,  you  have
    overlooked  something.  Corollary 2:  When things just can't
    get any worse, they will.
    3.  Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged
    otherwise  by others.  Corollary:  If you explain so clearly
    that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.  Corollary  2:
    If  you  do  something  which  you  are  sure will meet with
    everyone's approval, somebody won't like it.   Corollary  3:
    Procedures  devised  to  implement  the proposal won't work.
    Corollary 4:  No matter how  long  or  how  many  times  you
    explain, no one is listening.
 
The First Discovery of Christmas Morning:
    Batteries  not  included.   (From  side  panel of a toy box.
    Small print.)
 
Clark's Law:
    It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
 
First Law of Class Schedules:
    Class schedules are designed  so  that  every  student  will
    waste the maximum time between classes.
 
Cole's Axiom:
    The  sum  of  the  intelligence on the planet is a constant;
    the population is growing.
 
Colvard's Logical Premises:
    All probabilities are 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it
    won't.
 
Rules of the Committee:
    1.  Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
    2.  Don't say anything until the meeting is half over;  this
    stamps you as being wise.
    3.  Be as vague as possible;  this prevents  irritating  the
    others.
    4.  When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
    5.   Be  the  first to move for adjournment;  this will make
    you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
 
Laws of Computer Programming:
    1.  Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
    2.  Any given program  costs  more  and  takes  longer  than
    expected.
    3.  If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
    4.  If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
    5.  Any given program will  expand  to  fill  all  available
    memory.
    6.  The value of a program is proportional to the weight  of
    its output.
    7.  Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability
    of the programmer who must maintain it.
    8.  Make it possible for programmers to  write  programs  in
    English, and you will discover that programmers cannot write
    in English.
 
Considine's Law:
    Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of
    a  sentence,  the probability of an error being made will be
    in direct proportion to the embarrasment it will cause.
 
Murphy's Laws of Construction:
    1.  Power tools will fail  at  the  most  inconvenient  time
    possible.
    2.  When taking something apart to fix a minor  malfunction,
    you will cause a major malfunction.
    3.   The  more  planning  you  do  for  a  project, the more
    confusion there is when something goes wrong.
    4.  An easier way to perform a job becomes obvious  as  soon
    as  the  job  is completed.  Corollary:  Shortcuts that seem
    obvious in the middle of a job don't work.
    Wouldn't it be good to be on your side, even if it was for
    just one day, wouldn't it be good to be on your side, grass is
    greener over there.
 
 Love is a beautiful thing that not many of us get to
     cherish, those who do, usually lose the ones they love and end up
     writing comments.
 
 The vitality and energies of the imagination do not operate
     at will, they are fountains, not machinery.
 
 The scientist who finds hypothesis must build over them a
     grand edifice that can contain them.
 
Unfortunatly it has been our experience that there is a
     distinct affinity between fools and censorship, it seems to be
     one of those treading grounds where they rush in.
 
ROGERLAND (rah' jer land)
     n. The netherworld from which highway
     patrolmen suddenly materialize.
 
You can't change the world,
     but you can change the facts,
         when you change the facts,
            you change points of view,              Depeche Mode 86'
               when you change points of view,
                  you may change your vote,
                     and when you change your vote,
                        you may change the world ...